5. Junior dos Santos

This should be simple enough: mix a couple dozen decaying fleshbags with two big fists, and you’ve got a recipe for getting out of a close-quarters worst-case scenario relatively unscathed. The problem here would be minimizing splatter, so as not to infect those around you. The process would be simple enough: loot a sports hardware store for some boxing gloves. Loot a local police station for some riot gear, especially the helmet. Add the two together, make sure there are no open wounds on him, and then let JDS loose to knock some heads off of some shoulders. When he returns covered in gore and with a giant sack of gurgling zombie heads ready to be disposed of, be sure to thank him.

4. War Machine

The fighter formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver seems to continuously redefine the term “rock bottom” on a month-to-month basis, whether it’s busting some skulls at a porn party or heading off to serve a year’s hard time. Having no brain to speak of, in a zombie apocalypse Mr. Machine would be a Holy Grail of stupid. Just send him into a crowd of zombies, make him grunt and shamble away aimlessly as if in search of food, and revel in your good fortune as the undying hordes turn tail and leave you alone, having been thoroughly convinced that Mr. Machine is just as brainless as they are, and therefore just as reliable when it comes to tracking food. There should be plenty of booze left over now that the world has ended, so just keep that liquor pumping through his veins and he’ll be the gift that keeps on giving.

3. Lyoto Machida

If you made a list of people that would not only survive but actually thrive in a zombie apocalypse, “The Dragon” would have to be near the top. First and foremost, Machida is a survivor. If your water supply is suddenly cut off, Machida would be the first in line to go into the bathroom and come out with a tasty, life-sustaining beverage. Plus, he could probably weave in and out of a crowd of zombies and emerge without a single bite-mark or even a scratch, giving you ample time to run in the other direction

2. Wanderlei Silva

I know what you’re thinking…it’s because of the whole “Axe Murderer” thing, right? Not so. Wanderlei Silva would survive a zombie apocalypse simply because I’ve only met a handful of people that have ever had a bad word to say about Wanderlei Silva. Even in their newfound unlife, the necrotic masses will likely find Wanderlei’s charm and good-natured attitude irresistible. Expect to see Wanderlei signing pictures and posing with fans even as a zombie-fan’s arm falls off after attempting that weird twisty-spin thing Wanderlei always does with his hands.

And the #1 pick, as if you were expecting anyone else, is…

1. The Korean Zombie

If I was a betting man, and the wager was an army of zombies versus Jung Chan Sung, I’d put everything I ever owned on The Korean Zombie. Not only am I convinced that he would absorb everything the zombies could throw at him, I’m almost positive that whatever’s left of their feeble little brains will recognize how impossible their task is and actually become followers of the Zombie. A zombie apocalypse would be his dream and our nightmare. Always marching forward with his ever-growing army of the damned, Jung Chan-Sung would be the death of us all.

So don’t pretend like it couldn’t happen. Because it’s coming, sooner or later. But what about you, fans and friends? Which fighters do you think would survive in the land of the living dead?

 
Despite War Machine‘s recent arrest outside a San Diego bar that landed him on TMZ and a spit bag over his face, the fight is still on for Saturday, April 17.
 
In February of 2009, he legally changed his from Jon Koppenhaver to War Machine. He had one of the best fights in the history of MMA PPV. He’s starred in a porn movie with Digital Playground. He’s several times faced legal action outside the cage. To raise money for his attorneys, he’s put on ebay all his memorabilia from his MMA fights including some of his most personal items – his liver, his kidney and his sperm for sale.
 
And April 17, the MMA fighter known as War Machine will go to Atlanta to fight local standout “Tex” Johnson in the main event of Wild Bill’s Fight Night.

War Machine suffered a split decision loss to David Mitchell (9-0) at Tai Chi Palace Fights 1 in Lemoore, California last October.

Johnson enters the fight on a four-fight win streak, last submitting Johnny Buck (1-4) by heel hook at Wild Bill’s last December.

A veteran and champion of Cincinnati-based MMA promotion MMA Big Show, the welterweight Bowling has had a public feud with War Machine (9-3) after Bowling was forced to pull out of two scheduled fights with War Machine due to injury and War Machine subsequently vowed never to fight Bowling.

But, after War Machine lost a split decision to David Mitchell (7-0) at TPF1 in Lemoore, California October 8 and began his career in adult entertainment, Bowling apparently decided to move on.

Bowling KO’d IFL vet Seth Baczynski (11-6) in nine seconds at MMA Big Show at Belterra Casino March 7.

He’s expected to debut in Strikeforce in February or March, but, though his contract is exclusive to Strikeforce, will also be allowed to defend his title at MMA Big Show under certain conditions.  The term of the contract was not disclosed.

War Machine partnered with adult star Riley Steele to be forever memorialized in sexual celluloid.

War Machine told MMA Junkie, “I signed with LA Direct Models and I did my first porn scene! I was nervous but I came through.” Pun intended?

War Machine continued, “I’m still gonna fight.  Just gonna do this too because fighting isn’t quite enough money and you all know I ain’t trying to work!  In life I have come to learn that all I enjoy is eating, sleeping, fighting and fucking!”

War Machine, who lost a 2007 legal battle for assault of a Las Vegas man during a parking lot scuffle, was dropped from his UFC contract during the autumn of 2008 following a Myspace posting that cited former UFC middleweight champion Evan Tanner (32-8-0) committed suicide.  War Machine removed the post days after Tanner’s death but recently stated to media that he still believed Tanner’s death was not accidental.

When asked about his current career and state of mind, War Machine answered, “I’m living the dream getting paid to fight and fuck! What more could I ask for?”

Jason Appleton, Bowling’s manager, told Fighters.com Saturday morning, “Roger is devestated because he had a lot of people already with plane tickets in-hand, vacations planned, etc., all of which having to be cancelled. [UFC Matchmaker] Joe Silva and people from Strikeforce were awaiting the outcome of this fight. It was a damn big deal. It’s a sad situation, but it’s got to be put on hold.”

A frustrated War Machine described the unfortunate circumstance with a bit more color: “Roger Bowling is a fucking pussy! Twice we have been scheduled to fight now and twice he has suddenly gotten injured two weeks before the fight! If you’re scared to fight the War Machine, don’t sign on the dotted line, faggot!”

The big step up for Bowling was originally scheduled for MMA Big Show at Belterra 20 June, but Bowling broke his forearm in a workplace lathe accident and pulled out.

Appleton told Fighters.com Saturday, “[Bowling's hand has] been swollen ever since [the Plaisance fight]. Roger was honestly trying to hide his injury and was going to fight War Machine with one fucking hand, but this past week Roger was rolling around a bit and gently grazed [his training partner's] elbow and nearly fell to his knees in pain. So, everyone realized Roger was downplaying the injury. The doc called me yesterday and told me I’d be a fool to let Roger fight in that condition. One punch and Roger could rebreak all of his knuckles and be unable to continue.”

Appleton described the match-up as “on hold”, but War Machine told Fighters.com Saturday morning, “[Bowling] is a waste of time,” and added in a MySpace post, “I’m never going to set a fight up with [Bowling] again. [He] can have someone else hand [him his] first loss.”

War Machine originally wanted the fight in Tampa set at 175 pounds, but Bowling mandated the fight be at the Unified Rules welterweight limit of 170 pounds.

With the UFC and Strikeforce eyes watching, Bowling surely wanted to leave no doubt he could make welterweight.

Bowling has been replaced at XFC 9 by Orlando-based Mike Gomez (8-7). War Machine thanked Gomez “for stepping up and keeping a fellow fighter paid!”

Appleton didn’t say when Bowling will be able to fight again.

“I just got the contract,” Dolce told Fighters.com Tuesday.

The fight was originally scheduled for 18 October; but, War Machine pulled out due to an injury suffered during training.

Dolce had chided War Machine in a post on The Underground message board, saying, “I can certainly say that I was not coming into this bout 100% healthy, though I had never considered backing out.  The promoter is out thousands of advertising dollars, nearly twenty athletes are out an anticipated payday after six hard weeks of training and thousands of fans are left holding tickets.”

After fighting his way into the house in episode one, Dolce was eliminated by Jesse Taylor (7-3) on episode three of The Ultimate Fighter: Team Rampage vs. Team Forrest.

Dolce has lost six straight, most recently by choke submission to “The Snake” Jake Paul (13-12) at Rise Fighting Championships in Eugene 13 September.

War Machine was a replacement for injured Roman Mitichyan (5-2) on The Ultimate Fighter: Team Hughes vs. Team Serra.  He was eliminated on episode eight by eventual finalist Tom Speer (9-3).

War Machine was tapped in an anaconda choke by Fighters.com’s ninth-ranked welterweight “Zenko” Yoshiyuki Yoshida (10-2) at UFC 84 in Las Vegas 24 May.

War Machine was subsequently dropped from the UFC.

The UFC claimed he was cut due to War Machine’s public speculation that Evan Tanner (32-8) had committed suicide after the former UFC Middleweight Champion’s unfortunate death.

War Machine contends he was cut because he refused tp fight Brandon Wolff (7-2).