Top 5 Fighters Most Likely to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse

You read that right, fans and friends. No one knows just how it will all go down, but we all know sooner or later that the world is destined for a zombie apocalypse. In this new post-apocalyptic land of the roaming undead, several MMA fighters stand out as possible beacons of hope amidst the chaos. No place will ever be safe again, but having them by your side makes wherever you are that much safer. Here are my top five fighters most likely to survive a zombie apocalypse.

5. Junior dos Santos

This should be simple enough: mix a couple dozen decaying fleshbags with two big fists, and you’ve got a recipe for getting out of a close-quarters worst-case scenario relatively unscathed. The problem here would be minimizing splatter, so as not to infect those around you. The process would be simple enough: loot a sports hardware store for some boxing gloves. Loot a local police station for some riot gear, especially the helmet. Add the two together, make sure there are no open wounds on him, and then let JDS loose to knock some heads off of some shoulders. When he returns covered in gore and with a giant sack of gurgling zombie heads ready to be disposed of, be sure to thank him.

4. War Machine

The fighter formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver seems to continuously redefine the term “rock bottom” on a month-to-month basis, whether it’s busting some skulls at a porn party or heading off to serve a year’s hard time. Having no brain to speak of, in a zombie apocalypse Mr. Machine would be a Holy Grail of stupid. Just send him into a crowd of zombies, make him grunt and shamble away aimlessly as if in search of food, and revel in your good fortune as the undying hordes turn tail and leave you alone, having been thoroughly convinced that Mr. Machine is just as brainless as they are, and therefore just as reliable when it comes to tracking food. There should be plenty of booze left over now that the world has ended, so just keep that liquor pumping through his veins and he’ll be the gift that keeps on giving.

3. Lyoto Machida

If you made a list of people that would not only survive but actually thrive in a zombie apocalypse, “The Dragon” would have to be near the top. First and foremost, Machida is a survivor. If your water supply is suddenly cut off, Machida would be the first in line to go into the bathroom and come out with a tasty, life-sustaining beverage. Plus, he could probably weave in and out of a crowd of zombies and emerge without a single bite-mark or even a scratch, giving you ample time to run in the other direction

2. Wanderlei Silva

I know what you’re thinking…it’s because of the whole “Axe Murderer” thing, right? Not so. Wanderlei Silva would survive a zombie apocalypse simply because I’ve only met a handful of people that have ever had a bad word to say about Wanderlei Silva. Even in their newfound unlife, the necrotic masses will likely find Wanderlei’s charm and good-natured attitude irresistible. Expect to see Wanderlei signing pictures and posing with fans even as a zombie-fan’s arm falls off after attempting that weird twisty-spin thing Wanderlei always does with his hands.

And the #1 pick, as if you were expecting anyone else, is…

1. The Korean Zombie

If I was a betting man, and the wager was an army of zombies versus Jung Chan Sung, I’d put everything I ever owned on The Korean Zombie. Not only am I convinced that he would absorb everything the zombies could throw at him, I’m almost positive that whatever’s left of their feeble little brains will recognize how impossible their task is and actually become followers of the Zombie. A zombie apocalypse would be his dream and our nightmare. Always marching forward with his ever-growing army of the damned, Jung Chan-Sung would be the death of us all.

So don’t pretend like it couldn’t happen. Because it’s coming, sooner or later. But what about you, fans and friends? Which fighters do you think would survive in the land of the living dead?